The Mystery Illness

The Mystery Illness appeared about 5 months ago. September 20th, 2004 to be exact. I remember the exact date because I had originally planned to go to NYC that day but I ended up cancelling because I didn't have the money. Then, out of the blue, I became violently ill that night so I was very glad I hadn't gone on my trip after all.

The main symptoms of the Mystery Illness are:

• Extremely fast/pounding heartbeat
• Chest pains
• Throat closes up so it's very difficult to swallow
• Shortness of breath
• Tightness in chest/throat
• Blurred vision
• Headaches
• nausea

There are a few other symptoms that pop up now and then but those are the main ones.

I have suffered from migraines for years and they have become more and more frequent ever since the Mystery Illness started. (And, when I say "migraine", I'm not talking about how those annoying people get a little headache and walk around saying "Oh, I have such a migraine!" I fucking HATE those people! I'm talking about actual clinical migraines where you curl up into a ball and silently pray for death.)

I'm also a smoker. Or, at least, I was until today. I've smoked for approximately 10 years.

My father had a stroke when I was 10. Both my mother and grandfather died of brain aneurysms. My other grandfather died of a heart attack. And both my grandmothers died of a cancer. So, as you can see, I have a kick ass family history. We all die young. It's tradition!

Anyway, after 5 months and about 5 zillion tests, the doctors have decided that I'm suffering from panic attacks. I think they're full of crap. Who suffers from panic attacks non-stop for 5 freaking months?? I think the doctors just don't know what it is and are tired of dealing with me so they've decided that it's all in my head.

So, my doctor's solution? "Get rid of all the stress in your life." No, seriously. That's what she said to me yesterday. Get rid of all the stress in my life. Ok, let me just snap my fingers and all my troubles will magically disappear. Hmmm...didn't work. Isn't that odd?

Her other solution? Quit smoking. Yes, the stress of quitting smoking will certainly make my life less stressful. That makes sense. She wants me to go back and see her every two weeks so she can monitor my progress. Won't it be fun when I go back every two weeks and tell her that nothing has changed and I still feel like crap?

Anyone have any ideas as to what the Mystery Illness might be? Oh wait, I just remembered, no one is reading this blog. Well, damn. So much for that idea.