Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Don't Confuse Fed-Ex!

We send out a ton of packages via Fed-Ex at our office - so many packages that we have an automatic pick-up scheduled for every night because not a single day goes by that we don't use Fed-Ex.

So, because we're moving to a new office on Apr. 1st, we need to order new waybills that have our new address on them. Seems simple enough, right? Yeah, not so simple when you're dealing with the geniuses at Fed-Ex.

The not-so charming gentleman I spoke to at Fed-Ex told me it was impossible for them to order pre-printed waybills with our new address on them because "if we change it in our system, the supplies will be delivered to your new office instead of the one you're currently in." According to him, the new waybills cannot be ordered until the day before we move because "shipments will get all messed up".

So I asked him if it was possible to order the new waybills and just make a note to ship them to our current address. Nope. Not possible. We went in circles for bit and he kept saying to me in this really condescending tone: "You're not understanding what I'm saying..." Now, I used to work at a call centre so I always try to be as polite as possible when I'm dealing with someone else at a call centre but this guy was:

1) a moron

2) a prick

So, finally I said to him: "I understand exactly what you're telling me. You're telling me that Fed-Ex delivers all over the world with no problem but they're not capable of shipping some supplies to our office. I could send a package to Outer Mongolia and Fed-Ex could get it there tomorrow, but this? This confuses them."

Honestly, it was the most ridiculous conversation I've ever had! It's Fed-Ex for God's sake! That's what Fed-Ex does - they deliver! But apparently they're not capable of handling an address change in advance because it will be "too confusing". I'm sure he hung up the phone and was like: "Bitch!" but, seriously, can you blame me?

Why People Hate Lawyers

Ok, there are many reasons, but the conversation I just had with one of the lawyers in our office is one of many reasons I hate them. One of the lawyers I work with (We'll call him "Dick", as opposed to my boss, who we call "Asshole".) is a complete moron. He has absolutely ZERO people skills and talking to him is like talking to a wall.

Me: Dick, Mrs. Client called this morning and wants to know when she can come pick up her Will.

Dick: It's not done yet.

Me: When can I tell her it will be done so she can pick it up?

Dick: I'm hoping it will be done next week.

Me: You're *hoping* it will be done? Or it *will* be done?

Dick: I'm hoping it will be done.

Me: Well, I need to call her back and tell her when it *will* be done.

Dick: I'm hoping next week.

Me: I can't call her back and tell her when you're "hoping" it will done, I need to give her an exact day so she can come pick it up. "Hoping" doesn't answer her question.

Dick: Ok, I'm anticipating it will be done next week.

Me: That's the exact same thing as hoping!

Dick: Well, that's what I'm hoping.

Me: So I should call her and tell to come all the way down here next week and *hopefully* it will be done when she gets here?

Dick: Well, it's a simple Will. It won't take long to do.

Me: So then it *will* be done next week?

Dick: Hopefully.

It was at that point that I simply turned and walked away because I'm pretty sure I felt part of my brain explode. I mean, it's not just me being overly sensitive, is it? The guy is a fucking moron, right?