Wednesday, November 22, 2006

'Tis The Season....

.....where I become absolutely miserable.

I hate holidays. Once you lose people you love, the holidays are never the same. As for me, I never had a big family to begin with. My father had a stroke when I was 10 yrs old. My mother passed away 7 years ago. And my brother lives 3 towns away so I spend pretty much every holiday alone. Holidays are a depressing time for a lot of people and I'm one of them.

But what really makes me miserable is Christmas. Not Christmas, in general, but the fact that Christmas pretty much starts right after Halloween. Two months of Christmas is enough to drive anyone batty. But imagine how annoying it is if you don't even celebrate Christmas, yet you still have it shoved down your throat every day for two months straight. Yep, I'm one of those people too.

A Jew. A lonely Jew during the Christmas season. Sure, we have Chanukka, but you never hear anything about it. It's not like you see Stars of David in every shopping mall. You can't go sit on Moses's lap and tell him what you want as a present. (Not that I'd really want to sit on Moses's lap anyway. Ew. Creepy!)

And then there are the little things that really drive me crazy. For example, every year I am blown away and completely pissed off by the number of people who wish me a Merry Christmas. Hello! JEWISH!! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about random strangers like store clerks, etc. Those people don't know my religion so I know they're just trying to be nice. I don't mind that at all. I'm talking about people who do know me, like the idiots I work with. Every single person I work with knows that I'm Jewish, yet every single year, half of them wish me a Merry Christmas. To me, that's not them being nice, that's them being disrespectful. That's like them saying: "I know you're Jewish but I'm going to completely ignore your religion and wish you a Merry Christmas because my religion is so much more important than yours." Would it kill them to just once say: "Happy Chanukka"? I think it would.

And you know the most miserable day of all? December 25th. That is the most boring day of the year for us. You can't do anything with any of your friends because they're all at home celebrating Christmas with their families. You can't watch tv because there's nothing on but Christmas specials. And you can't listen to the radio because they're never playing anything but Christmas music. It blows! So what do we do? We all go to the movies. Yup, December 25th is National Jews Go To The Movies day. Of course, there's always some people in line that are talking about what gifts they got for Christmas which always makes me want to go up to them and kick them in the shins. Really, movie theatres should have express lines for Jewish people on December 25th. "Move aside people! Jew coming through!"

But, the one thing I will say about the Christmas season, occasionally people do give me gifts! That part absolutely rocks! Especially since my family is pretty much all gone. Usually I live vicariously through my Christian friends when they tell me about all the stuff they got, so it's always a kick ass surprise when one of them gives me a gift. Does it make me a hypocrite that I despise Christmas yet I happily accept Christmas gifts? Probably. But, hey, if I have to put up with all the other stuff being forced upon me for 2 months straight, I think I totally deserve a present or two. Or five. Or ten! So, if you're thinking about getting me a gift this year, how about this:


Or possibly this:


But, if all else fails, you can just buy me stuff!